I’ve felt pretty good, on the whole, for about 6-9 months, things have been largely stable, a few ups and downs but mostly manageable, happy about some things and sad about others, but not terribly sad for long. Still taking Prozac and it seems to be working perfectly with no noticeable side effects.

This weekend is the first time in a while where I’ve felt an actual palpable emotional need that feels like it’s a hole in me, I don’t understand why it’s coming up now or how to resolve it. I’m not unhappy, I’m hardly unfulfilled. I’ve had several experiences recently which have been really very fulfilling and I’m enjoying the feelings from having met someone new, as well as the feelings from having someone I care about reveal more of a connection with me than I had previously realised.

I think that what I’m really craving is a direct and strong emotional hit from a caring Dom, even the simple act of direct skin to skin contact and feeling wanted. Sitting at his boots, with his hand on me, completely non sexual, but still extremely fulfilling. I’ve tried reaching out a bit, but I’m conscious that being needy isn’t attractive or desirable.

In a sexual context these emotions are complex, it’s been suggested a few times that I should try being Dom, even just to try, and I’ve considered it a few times, I just haven’t acted on it. Maybe someday the right situation will arise. I’m acutely aware that I get off on the appreciation of a Dominant man, bit of a euphemism there.

I’ve some pre-planned fun things on the horizon, probably need to try to shift focus to those.


Manchester Leather Weekend rolled around again, it was my first big event last year and this year certainly did not disappoint.

It was another great weekend for meeting up with friends and just having fun together, and I’m very glad I went along again.

I met a couple of guys who I met last year and they said that I had made an impact on them, I did ask if I had set off their airbags, but apparently they were being serious.

I got the opportunity to play on both the Saturday and Sunday nights, which I enjoyed. A Dom I like very much (and who I met after the leather weekend last year) had asked to stay over on the Sunday night and we played at night and in the morning too, different, more intense, rougher, but I enjoyed it and him a great deal.


I went to Folsom Europe in Berlin a few weeks ago, just Friday to Monday, but that covered the busiest part.

The weather was pretty wonderful, I met lots of people I knew and met quite a few people I knew online from Instagram etc. I was in gear all weekend and smoked a few big cigars, a good time was had.

I think what really makes these events for me is meeting friends and making new friends, I enjoyed that very much.