I’ve felt pretty good, on the whole, for about 6-9 months, things have been largely stable, a few ups and downs but mostly manageable, happy about some things and sad about others, but not terribly sad for long. Still taking Prozac and it seems to be working perfectly with no noticeable side effects.
This weekend is the first time in a while where I’ve felt an actual palpable emotional need that feels like it’s a hole in me, I don’t understand why it’s coming up now or how to resolve it. I’m not unhappy, I’m hardly unfulfilled. I’ve had several experiences recently which have been really very fulfilling and I’m enjoying the feelings from having met someone new, as well as the feelings from having someone I care about reveal more of a connection with me than I had previously realised.
I think that what I’m really craving is a direct and strong emotional hit from a caring Dom, even the simple act of direct skin to skin contact and feeling wanted. Sitting at his boots, with his hand on me, completely non sexual, but still extremely fulfilling. I’ve tried reaching out a bit, but I’m conscious that being needy isn’t attractive or desirable.
In a sexual context these emotions are complex, it’s been suggested a few times that I should try being Dom, even just to try, and I’ve considered it a few times, I just haven’t acted on it. Maybe someday the right situation will arise. I’m acutely aware that I get off on the appreciation of a Dominant man, bit of a euphemism there.
I’ve some pre-planned fun things on the horizon, probably need to try to shift focus to those.