Festiveness

We’re back here, again! Time flies etc, but this last year really feels like it sped away, I can’t even see it in the rear view mirror.

I haven’t really enjoyed Christmas for a long time, it’s often been surrounded by unhappiness and occasionally conflict, it’s not as much fun when you’re not 8 years old.

The last couple of months have been a mixed bag, swinging from new experiences and fun to just nothing at all. I’m not really depressed any more, I mostly feel normal (heh), but I’ve certainly been up and down a lot these last few days in particular. I’m aware that my sleep habits are not ideal and that going from too much to too little sleep is … unhelpful. I haven’t self medicated for a couple of years.

I rather nonsensically tested my blood sugar today in case it was too low and affecting my mood, but of course it was absolutely fine, it’s under control, it’s just me.

I naturally feel more comfortable with some people and it pains me that they’re not nearby when I want to just hang out or to have their boots on me or fist in me. This is not a small city, and yet sometimes it can feel it, although it’s also familiar.

Christmas Day and then Boxing Day are all about family and friends this year, I await with … interest.