More ups and downs than an amusement park.

Writing about feelings is not always a cry for help, sometimes it’s just to write it down and therefore sort of stop it going around and around in your own head. It often works, for me anyway.

Lockdown blues can be terribly hard, especially at weekends when days have no structure. I’m thankful to the people out there who have shown that they care x

I’ve a terribly dark sense of humour, sometimes people who don’t know me very well don’t understand that and recently someone massively overreacted about something perfectly incongruous. Maybe I need to tag things with a channel 4 style warning triangle.

I’m not coping with this, I know that shielding is necessary but it is gradually breaking me.

I’m sleeping way too much, more out of boredom and stress than actual need, and my sleep pattern is absolutely screwed, I could probably fix it, but I don’t want to.

It’s now only work and an online social thing each week that is getting me through this, otherwise I’ve a low attention span, I’m lethargic and apathetic. At least I’m not suicidal, I’m probably too lethargic.

I really really miss proper intimacy and that need to feel wanted is tearing a hole in me. It’s not even a need for sex anymore.

Friends say that they want you to talk to them, but that’s not always easy, I think I need to reach a really low point before I can ask for help, and if you do that too often it feels like you’re going to be seen as that freak who needs help too often, I’ve definitely learnt that that repels sexual partners.