There’s a guy in Spain who regularly broadcasts live online, usually dressed in either leather or sportswear, smoking, and often late at night, it’s not a sexual thing other than being fetish.

I occasionally watch and chat with him and others, tonight was one of those nights, the conversation was about Masters and submissives, and it once again showed that there are some guys out there who really get it, they’re not out to just use and abuse, they know it’s a mutual thing with limits on both sides.

As always, we’re all so far away from each other, but I can imagine that being in their company would be a good thing.


First weekend away completely on my own for quite a while.

I went to Manchester, got into leathers and braved the broad daylight on my own, seize the day etc.

Met a couple of guys I knew on the way to a bar in the village for a drink and then afterwards I went to a kink workshop, this one focused on ‘introduction to rope’. Quite a sizeable and welcoming attendance, and I did not for one single moment think I would end up being hogtied by a vicar. Claim to fame? My parents would be suitably horrified.

After the workshop I went to the leather social and had a great time, then tagged along to a couple of other bars.

I was back in my hotel at 01:30 and catching up with the day online before bed, I spoke to a guy I liked and followed on Instagram who was in Manchester with friends and half an hour later he was there with me …

Submission / Submitting. Discuss.

This was a written task I was given by Sir in October 2016:

Submission / Submitting. Discuss.
Sir. A very interesting and pertinent topic indeed, one that stirs a lot of thoughts and emotions in me, some deep, some barely touched upon yet, and some incredibly satisfying. 

It’s a difficult thing to define accurately, I think that if you put this topic to several people there would likely be some common themes in the responses, but unless someone has actually experienced this type of submission, I think they would make assumptions about weakness, passivity, oppression and abuse. I know that I too had various degrees of misconception. 

For me, the defining characteristic of submission is that it is voluntarily and willingly given; allowing someone to take control and the feelings that that brings can be incredibly deep and powerful, and initially confusing. This is a deeply personal experience which challenges long held beliefs and misconceptions, and can unlock your fears and insecurities as well as your desires, the feeling of vulnerability can be both exciting and overwhelming. Quite why I like what I do and my limits remain out of sight. Some of the emotions can be unexpectedly strong and difficult to navigate, this is far from being a purely sexual experience, guidance, understanding and support are essential ingredients. 

There is a degree of power in the act of submission, the exchange of power itself is negotiated and has boundaries, some rigid and some shifting; respect and trust works both ways. This is undoubtedly a learning experience, both parties learn about each other as well as themselves, to some degree both parties reveal their vulnerabilities. 
From a personal point of view submission is given to an experienced, liked, respected and trusted guiding hand, indeed the level of submission itself deepens as trust increases. You offer experience, authority and protection and in return I feel a strong desire to be obedient and to please, seeking approval and the other rewards, physical and emotional that come from pleasing you. Attraction, affection and trust combine into a good and strong connection which again deepens trust. The connection is vital. The act of submitting brings with it a need to push yourself and reveals your vulnerability, without trust this just could not happen, or it would be superficial, but in the right hands this can result in great feelings of happiness and a real sense of belonging and indeed longing. 

With a need for trust comes the need to communicate properly, and this can lead to the expression of emotions, fears, fetishes, fantasies, insecurities, needs and desires which may have only rarely or may never have been voiced before, only trust and respect can truly allow this to happen. 

The resulting emotional and physical drop that occurs sometimes days after a meeting can feel isolating and difficult to reconcile emotionally, this shows the effects that what could superficially be regarded as play can have on the submissive partner, both parties need to take action to resolve this. Personally I have come to realise that the emotional aspects leave me needing reassurance, with a very basic need to feel wanted and to know that things will continue, the feelings and emotions aren’t rational, but knowing this does not limit them or their effects. Despite the lows I am more keen to continue than ever.