It’s been quite a while since I’ve had feelings like this, but then it’s been quite a while since I’ve had such good Dom/sub play with someone I was so very keen to please; the kind of attraction and connection that makes you question some of your limits.
After such a high comes the low, the brain chemistry rebalancing, the lack of sleep catching up with you.
I used to suffer from sub drop regularly when I was often taking part in more intense play. I had thought that maybe my coping mechanisms had improved, or that maybe that phase had passed, but last night it came on as an intense few hours of magnified emotions and helplessness, sleep helped little, kind words helped more. My own thoughts turned on me, gnawing away at every good thing they could find.
Here I am, 24 hours later, it’s gone and things are definitely returning to normal, but I feel odd, calm again in a body still suffering from the affects of the stress, aches and pains, a slight headache, it should be better tomorrow.
Aftercare is so important, and in my own experience sub drop mostly comes on two to three days after play, and the simplest of techniques works on me, tell me that I’m valued, wanted, and a good boy.
With a little healthy encouragement I started a leather social in my city, a monthly event, the first one just happened and I met new people and really enjoyed myself. It was relaxed and friendly, exactly what I hoped it would be, what was expected to be a couple of hours turned into five.
Two guys at the social who I had previously only known online told me a story of how I inspired them to go to a gay fundraiser in full rubber, after they had seen me there the previous year in full leather, I had no idea, they even showed me pictures! That night in leather was a real moment for me as I was the only person in leather at the event, and it was the first time some friends had seen me in leather. There’s now talk of going together to the next one!
I’ve had a great day, my husband came along to support me, he doesn’t entirely understand this side of me, but his support really helped a lot.
Much as we like to think that we don’t do this I think we all do, the subconscious mind is always at work.
I had the pleasure of spending some real quality time with a guy that I had previously made assumptions about based almost entirely upon his demeanour and attire, ironic I know coming from a Leatherman. Turns out he is intelligent, absolutely fascinating to talk to and really pretty damn horny.
I have of course apologised. Hopefully there’s at least the beginnings of a friendship there.
I know that we all lie all the time, it’s a valuable part of human nature and we do it for all sorts of reasons, some good and some bad; but sometimes it just really sticks in the craw.
There seems to be a lot of it around just now; I’ve witnessed some and have seen other people discussing others, from cat fishing to stealing pictures to trying to gain friendship in order to get access to other people, down to the plain nasty and the please shag me / give me money. The very latest I think was “I’ve always fancied you” which was unusual as I hadn’t seen him online until a couple of weeks ago, but sure, you go ahead and do what you need to do to be an online star.
Blah blah blah, I’m not sure why we bother sometimes, is this post a lie? Am I cat fishing you now? Please shag me etc.
This weekend was my first ever Manchester pride and I don’t think it will be the last, it was just so great.
I ate out with friends, I marched with friends, I drank with friends, I hugged and kissed friends, and all of the time I was head to toe in leather, and with the padlock from my old collar on my waistband.
I think I might be all walked out right now, but it was worth it.
Tonight I have been pondering why the leather scene can be just so hard to get into, it can be incredibly inclusive and it can also feel incredibly lonely.
Tonight I’ve talked to an online acquaintance who currently wants to hang up his gear and move on, and this is one of the people I admire, one of the people I want to be like. I’ve tried to get him not to do anything hasty and to take some time out, but otherwise I don’t know what to say, because I sometimes feel exactly the same.
It is of course the crossing lines of fun, friendship and sex. We all gather at these events with a variety of interests and experiences, hopes and expectations, and these things don’t always mix.