Tag: submission

Re-pride etc.

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I know that I’ve not posted for a while, you think that not a lot has happened and then you look back and think oh, that’s right.

I grasped the nettle and with encouragement I started a local monthly leather social. I had no idea how it was going to go but it’s been much much better than I could have imagined, we even took part in the local pride march. My husband has been attending and has been very supportive, he’s also been hearing things which may lead to more open discussion, if he wants that. I’ve made some new friends and encouraged new guys onto the scene which is exactly what I wanted.

I’ve done a fair bit of experimentation, most of it really fairly mind blowing, I swear to god (other supreme beings may or may not be available) that I had an actual out of body experience. Some of the experiences have revolved entirely around fisting, but that’s not a casual thing. Still seeking regular play, but I know that I need a genuine connection for that. People come and go, but I cannot do all the running.

I’ve been in Manchester quite a lot lately, between the leather social and pride, where I took part in the pride march and went on a fairground ride in leather. It was slightly awkward this year, my husband was with me again, but this time my best friend wasn’t there to provide someone for him to lean on, so he was with me and my friends most of the time. It was good that he was able to meet more of my friends and to see where I hang out, but at the same time that’s my thing, my social circle. It was only a glimpse, I don’t really begrudge him that. There was some tension after I arrived back at our hotel really late on the first night, but I was as respectful and forceful when I needed to be, I hadn’t done anything wrong.

During Pride I met an absolutely stunning Dom and for the first time ever I actually spoke up and told him that I was very attracted to him and interested in finding out more, he told me the same, we had the opportunity to discuss quite a lot of things over the weekend, and I tried my best to make a good impression. I’ve been invited to meet up and play in the near future to see how we get on together, lots of possibilities, trying to stay normal and not wreck it.

I often do the sub thing of not valuing yourself as much as you should, I always described myself as introverted, but recent evidence definitely points to the contrary. People telling me that they enjoy my company means a great deal and I just might be liking myself more, apart from the fat arse.

Subdrop

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It’s been quite a while since I’ve had feelings like this, but then it’s been quite a while since I’ve had such good Dom/sub play with someone I was so very keen to please; the kind of attraction and connection that makes you question some of your limits.

After such a high comes the low, the brain chemistry rebalancing, the lack of sleep catching up with you.

I used to suffer from sub drop regularly when I was often taking part in more intense play. I had thought that maybe my coping mechanisms had improved, or that maybe that phase had passed, but last night it came on as an intense few hours of magnified emotions and helplessness, sleep helped little, kind words helped more. My own thoughts turned on me, gnawing away at every good thing they could find.

Here I am, 24 hours later, it’s gone and things are definitely returning to normal, but I feel odd, calm again in a body still suffering from the affects of the stress, aches and pains, a slight headache, it should be better tomorrow.

Aftercare is so important, and in my own experience sub drop mostly comes on two to three days after play, and the simplest of techniques works on me, tell me that I’m valued, wanted, and a good boy.

Need

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I’m feeling an incredibly intense need to sit at a Dom’s boots, naked, collared, between his legs, his hands on me, close to him.

I haven’t done that in such a long time, it’s a completely emotional need, but then I’ve mostly been playing without a proper D/s element and I really want and miss that.

It’s great fun playing with people you enjoy playing with, but I’m a loyal and affectionate boy and the affection and encouragement is what brings out my need to please and the desire to experiment, with the right guy, some guys just don’t understand.

Thank you

scotsboy19722 Comments

I don’t always like myself very much, but a man I like and respect told me that I was “one of the kindest friendliest leathermen you will ever meet”, and then a couple of others agreed with him.

I think it’s hard to keep sight of the fact that we all have these feelings from time to time.

Thank you A, I appreciate Your kind words very much indeed x

Judging a book by its cover

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Much as we like to think that we don’t do this I think we all do, the subconscious mind is always at work.

I had the pleasure of spending some real quality time with a guy that I had previously made assumptions about based almost entirely upon his demeanour and attire, ironic I know coming from a Leatherman. Turns out he is intelligent, absolutely fascinating to talk to and really pretty damn horny.

I have of course apologised. Hopefully there’s at least the beginnings of a friendship there.

Falsehoods

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I know that we all lie all the time, it’s a valuable part of human nature and we do it for all sorts of reasons, some good and some bad; but sometimes it just really sticks in the craw.

There seems to be a lot of it around just now; I’ve witnessed some and have seen other people discussing others, from cat fishing to stealing pictures to trying to gain friendship in order to get access to other people, down to the plain nasty and the please shag me / give me money. The very latest I think was “I’ve always fancied you” which was unusual as I hadn’t seen him online until a couple of weeks ago, but sure, you go ahead and do what you need to do to be an online star.

Blah blah blah, I’m not sure why we bother sometimes, is this post a lie? Am I cat fishing you now? Please shag me etc.

😉

Berlin

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Sometimes I feel a bit aimless, but that’s now three visits to Berlin where I feel like I’ve had my mind totally blown.

On Friday night I met up with the Master I have met twice before and it was as great as ever, I thought at the time that that would be the highlight of my weekend, but although it was really special there was more to come.

I have been speaking with a Berlin Dom online for a while and we had arranged to meet up and have a drink, see what happens. I met him near to Nollendorfplatz at 11pm and from that moment the conversation just flowed very easily, he was in full leathers, so was I. We went to nearby Mutschmanns where we had a drink and then he showed me around. After talking some more we moved on to New Action where again we had a drink and he showed me around.

He got me to sit, then he sat up behind me with his legs wrapped tightly around me, leaned over and said, boy you are in one of the hardest clubs in Berlin in full leathers under a spotlight and everyone can see you. There was so much kissing, I took his breath and then beer and saliva from his mouth, he licked the sweat from my face.

He asked me to go and get us beers and when I returned he was talking to a man from the south of England who he knew, before long all three of us were kissing, two at a time, three at a time, there was also a bit of nipple licking, although he remained very much in charge.

After a while we were alone again and returned to talking, drinking, kissing, intense eye contact, by 3am I was overwhelmed, my cap dripping with his spit and then his cum, he got me to take off my jacket and tie to cool down and got me water. At 3.30am we were saying goodbye, with plans to meet again at Easter. He checked that I got back to the hotel safely and that everything was okay in the morning.

Hurt

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Do you know how bad it is not being able to tell your husband why you’re hurting? Why there’s a lump in your throat and tears in your eyes?

When a Dom does something that breaks your trust and there’s no going back, when you feel abandoned and empty because you’ve never lost a Sir before.

He met me half way, and it was appreciated, but a bombshell has been dropped and it crosses lines which I do not want to cross, and he must know that, there’s no consent and no discussion. It should have been handled better. I still care for him.

I’ll be okay, soon.

Half way

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I met a leatherman on Friday night, we each traveled for about two hours in order to meet roughly half way, we both made an effort, I think that was a good start.

I met Him at the Manchester Leather Weekend, well, I say met, I saw Him, I fancied Him, I didn’t go and talk to Him; but I did see Him on Instagram a few days later and I said what I should have in Manchester.

We had been talking online for a couple of weeks and so it was really easy to talk when we met, He took control easily, not that I objected, it was exactly what I wanted. He plugged me and put me in a chastity device, then we went out for food and a drinks.

He had told me that when I entered that room that I was His until he released me the following day.

When we got back to the hotel we both got changed into full leathers and then play began. He was strict but caring, He pushed me and encouraged me, carrot and stick, there was some pain, there was a great deal of pleasure. I had a minor issue which He handled very quickly. There was no script, it was very much an episode in getting comfortable with each other, it was a good start.

When play ended we talked for a couple of hours, then I was left plugged and in chastity for the night, I wondered how easily I would sleep but in fact I had no difficulty. In the morning after some more play He allowed me to cum, afterwards we showered and went out for breakfast.

I hope there can be more. I can’t absolutely explain what I mean, but I know that I want to be pushed further, I’m apprehensive, it’s the unknown, but I want to go further, to have barriers broken down, to have limits tested and pushed.

This feels like it was a good start.

David Stein 1948-2017

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Very sorry to hear of the death of the author David Stein who coined the phrase “safe, sane and consensual” in 1983.

His books on M/s relationships are a wonderful read.

My Master has a signed copy of his book ‘Ask the man who owns him’ which was the first BDSM book I bought. A very supportive friend and Master in San Francisco knew him personally.

His fiction books are quite … exciting! Full of emotion.

I sent him an email last year to thank him for his wonderful writing, he replied to say that he was pleased to hear that I had enjoyed it. A good man taken too soon.